it was pouring rain outside, but i was stuck indoors. in a minute of impulsive thought, i put on my fleece and headed out. with a mission. okay, maybe two missions. firstly, i had to get more tea. secondly, i wanted to clear my head as only a walk in the rain will do. and it was also nighttime, so the streets were calm, the roads were slow and it was just me, the rain, the sky and the ground.

so i walk down, through the forest area, listening to the rain fall on the trees.. watching the soaked, dark ground and loving the way it feels when you stand on wet leaves. all the time in the world to think... the thoughts of youth, of life and of course love. and when there's nothing in front of you except soothing, vibrant, envigorating rain, you feel like you can do anything.

as i get out of the wood, i'm taken onto the winding streets. some people pass me, and i continue down. soothed, relaxed, determined. it's always fun going to the supermarket. it's where life is replenished, and the whole world is there. and me. standing, picking out my tea. a simple task, which makes me feel nice, and which will give me pleasure in the nights to come, sitting at home... with that cup of tea.

supermarkets are always a place people seem to make "the eye" at you. filled with a bunch of lonely university students, looking for their prince or princess. but for once, i wasn't. and it was a new experience. i didn't quite know what to do... as they all thumb their melons, and gaze longingly over the frozen fish freezer. so i just.. ignored it. and if i thought anyone was after me, i gave a mean look. it's not nice of me, and i'm not proud. but, it's what i did.

the walk home was satisfying. i had my tea - four kinds (earl grey, green tea jasmine, green tea leaf and bourbon vanilla). And with my tea, I walked the long road home. More freedom, and more time with my thoughts.

Of course, there's only so much time you can spend with your own thoughts. But I'm glad I did it.

you'd have thought with a new layout, i would have updated more. but i'm lazy :) actually, i'm so happy now... i just haven't known quite what to say. a look at my status should give you a clue as to why. in fact, happiness doesn't even start to describe it. :)

my dad surprised me yesterday - brought me over a huge bridie (it's a scottish meat pie.. yum), a huge strawberry cheesecake (omg it's delicious) and a massive tub of forest fruits ice cream (*sigh*.. so yummy). it made me even happier, and by the time the day ended i was hurtin my face with so much smiling.

sheila's got a flu or a cold right now :( let's all hope she gets better soon.

frank still hasn't put his site back up - grr

jill sent me a cool email - thank you! and i look forward to the longer one :)

huong is a really good listener :)

well that's it... i can't think of much :) hehe... but i'm gonna go eat breakfast. !!

regular entries will resume tomorrow, as a mark of respect.

on a side note, a huge happy birthday to my wonderful friend, sheila.

today is such an awful day.

i cannot believe what's happened - i watched just completely amazed.

*sigh*

i had such a crap day... woke up blue, got frustrated with my lack of web design talents later on, and then started to wallow in some good old fashioned self pity. i'll get over it though - one of those silly nights. i just need my bed and some sad songs. i know in the morning this mood will have passed. it better have.

but... thank you so much, steven! you were such good company online and you always say the best things. you are truly one of the most awesome people i know. and how long have we known each other? gee... not too long and you are such a great friend. :-) i thank you so much... and i'm just sorry you had to put up with a little whining from me :-p

i suck at designing my blog - today i couldn't get a good design going. grr, i'm frustrated. woke up kinda blue, as well - but now i'm trying to dissolve the mood with music. why can't i be a steven, or a frank, or a jodee... and be able to design lovely sites :( argh. i'll have to settle with being only good at... hrmm, let's see :-p nothing.

jill is the most awesome girl i know! oh my goodness! JILL YOU ARE SO AWESOME :) :) :)... she sent me a wonderful cd in the post and i got it this morning... along with the grooviest card i ever saw! (jill, that chair is amazingly sexy! ;)) and it meant so much to me :) :) it really brightened up my day. thank you sooooooo much jill! missing you too... good luck in Cheeseland! :) hehe. Expect various British cheer in the mail shortly ;)

well, i'm not sure what to do now... noone is online, i have no money to go anywhere and my web site design is going nowhere. i guess i'll watch some tv and... i dunno!! :Þ and to steven - dude, good luck with college today! I hope you have the best time :) i'm gonna eat now, i guess ...


There goes my old girlfriend
There's another diamond ring
And of all those late night promises
I guess they don't mean a thing

So baby, what's the story
Did you find another man
Is it easy to sleep in the bed that we made
When you don't look back I guess
The feelings start to fade away

I used to feel your fire
But now it's cold inside
And you're back on the street
Like you didn't miss a beat, yeah

Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep
In the night, without thinkin' you lost
Everything that was good in your life
To the toss of the dice
Tell me what it takes to let you go
Yeah,

Girl, before I met you, I was F.I.N.E. fine
But your love made me a prisoner
Yeah, my heart's been doing time
You spent me up like money
A then you hung me out to dry
It was easy to keep all your lies in disguise
'Cause you had me in deep
With the devil in your eyes

Tell me that you're happy that you're on your own
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Tell me that it's better when you're all alone
Tell me that your body doesn't miss my touch
Tell me that my lovin' didn't mean that much
Tell me you ain't dying
When you're cryin' for me

Tell me who's to blame for thinkin' twice...no no no no
'Cause I don't wanna burn in paradise
Oooh, I don't, I don't no I don't wanna burn in paradise
let it go, let it go...
I don't wanna burn....

- what it takes, aerosmith

*sigh*

nothing ever turns out right. and life is so unfair.

Duel, the most exciting movie ever

omg! tonight, i was stunned, shocked, stirred and hurled into excitement like never before! my mouth fell open, amazed about what was unfolding in front of me. i could never look away, i'd miss the tremendous action! i could never take a breath, because it was all so breathtaking. i saw what is undoubtedly the most thrilling movie... the most fast paced and the movie with the most satisfying ending i ever saw.

it was one hour and twenty five minutes long. you have a man driving in the california mountains, and a crazy gas tanker driver. a high speed chase, which is full of fabulous camera angles, delightful monologues and sweat-inducing pace. i loved it! almost fell off my bed! you GOTTA see it!!! hehe

on another note... looked after the shitsu... it's so cute! and so nice! the perfect houseguest. and i'm exhausted now. goodnight, all :)

i'm looking after my aunt's dog tomorrow. it's a shitsu called Shang. that should be fun. all i want to do is sleep tonight. i feel sorta ill. oh well, new design for this site around the corner, i think. i wish i had a webcam... i'd take a pic of shang. :)