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a painful world full of hurt makes me sad

so many things make me sad. i can't help but feeling so incredibly bad when i see some things. such as, when i see old ladies go into restaurants and eat alone. nothing makes me feel so horrible... to see them just sitting there with no company, because i can't help think that their whole life is like that, and maybe they go home to an empty house and just cry or something. you just want to give them a huge hug. but you can't cure the world's lonliness because there are so many millions who are. :(

there was a time at baker's square i saw a few old people on their own... now maybe they liked it, but what if they were so lonely. :( i bet they are all wonderful people with great stories and all and if only we could all be a friend to them. ahh i think too much about stuff. i just can't stand it. the world is so cruel for some!!! :(:(:( skeet. *hugz* to ya all :) remember to spread some happiness today :) later.

dang, drat... my thoughts have flown away

i can't believe it... i just wrote my entry for like two days ago, and it's amazingly crap. not at all how i wanted it. just shows, when you leave things you loose all the good stuff you were going to add. it's just not what i wanted! argh. i was in two minds to put it up, but heck i'm not going to waste it now because it took some finger power with all the deletions and such. *sigh*

i stepped on the bus to ride to tesco. walked to the second floor, and sat down. two very depressing old people were up there, chatting away. one russian/scottish lady was chatting a scottish man. i could relate to what the man was saying -he was fed up seeing the same horrid streets of dundee become more depressing with every time he went out. nothing changes, the dreary weather takes away the essence of your soul and stifles your creativity. and yes, i agree so much. my town really can suck the life out of the most vibrant people. after you've lived here for a while, you get used to the same old faces, the same moans and groans from the residents and the same weirdness from the youth of the town who are turning all strange and gothic or weird music listenin-strange clothes-sheep kinda people.

the russian/scottish lady was a little embarressed. i think she had a crush on the gentleman next to her. they were on opposite sides of the bus, so i knew they were just strangers passing in the cold wet day. but she got the courage to give her rather depressing input: "aye, well you get used to it i suppose". and that struck me. is that what i'm here for? destined to get used to a mundane life in a backwards town and end up at the age of 70 on a bus still complaining about how i hate the town? it motivated me some more to get my ass outta here as soon as i can. a nice enough lady, she seemed very sweet... but i just don't want to end up like her. or the man. i feel sorry for him - he hates the town and is depressed by it, yet he stays. i guess he figures there's not much point now, but heck, why didn't he move out earlier.

i love going to tesco - the supermarket (like jewel/kroger/publix). it's an hours walk from my house, as i've probably mentioned before. i can't explain why i like going there, though. well, maybe i can point out it's near water (right by the river tay).. and i love water. it's full of food - and i love food. and there are a lot of interesting people there. well, okay maybe not interesting, really... because they are mostly normal town folk going about their shoppping business. but it's interesting to be around a lot of them and just experience it. weird? yeah, but then again i am insane (eh, frank :p) it's someplace to go, it's open 24 hours a day and there's something very symbolic about fresh food, or supermarkets.. how we need nourishment and it also gives you the idea of going forward, progressing :)

i think a lot of people go to the supermarket for the social feel... new people... attractive people... and come on, who hasn't eyed someone up over the frozen meat department ;) although at this point in time, i've not been doing that. i'm happy being single, ye. :) i guess.. yeah... i am. and i'm so lucky to know such special people that my life is really fulfilled with awesome friendships. i noticed someone trying to give me the eye on my way down there... normally i guess i'd be happy or something. but i just thought heck, no time for anything right now... relationships mess stuff up. and someone else on the way back.. i did smile, but i feel like i'd rather be swimming in sour milk right now. unless someone amazing comes along which has happened but because life sucks nothing will ever be cool because life is a strange strange thing. oh well! writing this was painful because it's so not what i meant to say. blah blah blah.

and that's the end of my silly entry. not at all what i wanted it to be, but it was a day of stuff i wanted to write about. argh how frustrating! :( on a nicer note... last night there was a spider in my room - he was a friendly fellow. very cooperative, too. i told him to stay still and i'd get him in a glass and put him back outside - and he did it. as we parted company, and he went back outside into the big world, i felt strangely proud i'd preserved a life, and also very reflective. if only some humans could be like spiders. nice, kind things, who aren't capable of being nasty of hurtful :) love ya all! skeet.

i think i'm fine, i really do, but please don't take my word for it

i think today i feel a little more in the mood of writing - i slept last night, which is really something. weird though, i had the feeling i was some sort of pasta piece in my half-restless awakening sleep. :-/ i'm away to get breakfast then attempt to write my update from two days ago.

sorry jill, hello jill ;)

i promised jill i'd update.. and i will, jill :) but right now im so tired i can't even think so tomorrow is going to be when i do ;) not that it's important but i said i would and i don't want to leave it blank :) later

morning mist clouds the day and i cannot see

i feel strange, unchallenged but i also feel like i could do anything. that feeling quickly fades once i try and put things into practice, however. i'm getting better though. at arranging my life and meeting some of the challenges i'm setting myself. i'm in an online shakespeare study group (right now studying hamlet), i'm allowing myself to listen to more fantastic music and i'm reading more! i love to read, i love the satisfaction it gives you, but lately i've been having trouble. read all last night, though. awesome.

i'm filling my life with tea. i now have eight different kinds. i think that surely means something is missing. all i think i need is a challenge. the ability to do something worthwhile and feel genuinely tired after it. after all, what good is a brain if you leave it to rot with tv. and what good is having an adventurous spirit if you don't seize the day. or, as Ally sometimes likes to ejaculate: "carpe aestus" (i think i spelled it wrong). but he can correct me on that. Seize the surf! is what it means. and yes, we must agree it's so inspiring.

god don't you love to be inspired. my music, art, people and everything around you. there are no finer moments in life when you look around you and every detail of life is superb and completely inspiring, and encourages you to get higher and higher in life or projects you are doing just because you realise life is completely beautiful.

Friends, how wonderful to have good ones

I love my friends. After many years of having a bunch dump me for people more "cool" than I, it's easy to spot good, genuine ones. I value them so much in my life, and are as dear to me as close family.

There's Ally Wilson - a stellar chap, whom I've known since chemistry class in high school. We have a lot in common - and can talk for hundreds of hours at a time about specific things. Former class members (eh, ally ;) yon T.N. ;)), funky web design stuff, general banter about the human condition and most recently, Jewish practices! Not to forget the lively discussions about Jinty Batkins and others ;) I'm proud to call this guy my friend.

And there's Paul Brown. Great friend, from my Modern Studies class in high school. We loathed each other then... well, okay maybe not as strongly loathing that i needed it in bold. but it was weird. after that class finished however, and we started chatting, we became good friends. It's always nice to meet up for coffee and a good old chinwag with paul. And, again.. I'm proud to call this guy my friend.

Let's go overseas for a minute, with the awesome people I met in Naperville. I've been chatting to them for a while online, and meeting them confirmed they were great people, great friends:

Frank Lieu... smashing, groovy guy. Jill Dovale... hip, entertaining and very opinionated lass... Mike Drago... another opinionated one... altho he's a lad, not a lass. we had many the good times laughing away at golden girls, and countless infomercials. Sheila Pariñas... what a groovy lady, we always enjoy fascinating conversations about everything ever! :)

And there's HUNDREDS more! So don't be offended if I didn't mention you, because what I did to select people to make it a fair entry (because I can't be bothered typing all day ;)) was turn names over on paper and select 6 of them :) And they are in no particular order, either! :) Just random, except splitting into local and international :)

Well, that's just my little dedication to some cool people i know. later in the next months, i may include some more people! :) later, skeet.