I started painting. It's awesome - relaxing, fun, and it's taking up a lot of my time. I went into town yesterday to pick up some more art supplies... got back and did a pretty okay painting of The Red Armchair... apart from the face looking a little odd, it looks okay for my second attempt at painting.
In town I realised Dundee has no trendy places to go and hang out, except Starbucks and the Contemporary Arts Center. Even then - Starbucks is either stuck in the architectural disaster - the Overgate... or in the ugly smoky Welgate. And the Arts center is only really cool sometimes. Even if there were more trendy places - who would use them? The town is turning into a bunch of sheep who wear black. This town can bite me. skeet.
Monday, August 13, 2001
i spent a little time reflecting on some things this morning. such as life, and how there have been times when i hated it, got so sick of it... and then experiences in my life made me think otherwise. such as in memphis, when i actually feared for my life. it was scary, and sitting in the front seat, i realised how much i valued my life. how, if it shortly ended, i would miss out on so much.
and you know, everything out there is always beautiful... the trees, sky, oceans... it's only our clouded views that make them seem bad. because, basically, life is good. and i do believe that. however, some times it's very difficult to grasp that, and make yourself happy because of that fact. take right now. i'm not sure where i'm headed in life, and i'm sitting at home bored, confused as to what the rest of the year will bring. i look outside at the same old thing i've lived with for most of my life - the graveyard i see out my window, the same trees, neighbors. then i walk more in my town, remember terrible memories in buildings i pass, people i meet, streets i walk on. but out there, life is good. and those buildings and streets have at one time seemed normal, even nice. so, wouldn't you say they have always been. yes, of course. my silly mind however is convincing me otherwise. i should get past it all, but that's a very difficult thing to do.
Jill has a theory that everyone in the world should see a therapist. at first, i didn't really agree... her reasoning was that we all need someone, whom we don't know, with a new perspective. and now i'm coming round to thinking that way. it's certainly a nice way to spill out your emotions without having to worry about what that person thinks of you, without having to conceal things which may hurt others or reveal something about yourself you'd rather not have a person know. i guess there's one thing that will never change as well - jill is an insightful lass, and things she says aren't half thought out theories or random thoughts... but life changing, wonderful thoughts which we should all embrace.
isn't it weird how living in a town for so long can make you so sick of it. such as the second day you are back, you step on the bus, and see the girl who used to be your country dancing partner in school. who used to make fun of you for no reason, and got her younger sister also to make fun of you... so that everyone in the school would have a low opinion, especially in high school, and because of things like that, the whole school turns against you for six years. or you may bump into the guy who used to be your best friend for five years but, one day just stopped talking to you, turned against you. maybe if you are lucky, you will also run into the two guys who used to spread rumors throughout the school about you, pretend to be your friend and take money from you... how fun. and you can't escape these people in your town! everyone who has ever hurt you is surrounding you, and making it difficult for you to breathe. no matter how much you try to escape the memories persist. and that's a hard realisation. the only question is what on earth can you do... and i cannot think of the answer. try and think of lovely thoughts? nah doesn't work. sometimes you just need to leave it all behind, your town, your old life and never return. and i hope some day i can do that.
music is grand isn't it. one thing about these "lazy" (ie boring, silly, horrid) days that does make me feel good is the ability to listen to any music i want, loud and even if i want, i can sing along. anything from aerosmith to some duke ellington, to red hot chili peppers and even the troggs. music lifts you up, soothes the soul and elevates you higher than anything else but art can do. add in a cup of tea and it's pretty easy to forget about life for a while. and that's always nice, especially when it feels like it is at its ugliest. music can contain all the fabulous aspects of life - beauty and passion, letting you reach the higher levels, allowing you to feel fulfilled, with some new hope perhaps.
i really enjoy chatting to frank these days. it seems our conversations are growing more fruitful each time, getting deeper and deeper. it's also great to chat to someone who has a good idea of a lot of the things i talk about. not to say others don't... i love my conversations with everyone. but it's wonderful when conversations which used to be more web site/message board focused turn into more succulent ones.
at the moment i feel like i need to something constructive and meaningful. tomorrow i head into town with my dad to have a look around the art supply store... hopefully it will kickstart me on my painting hobby. now, this hobby is thanks to two things. Jill Dovale and the Art Institute of Chicago. I'm not sure exactly when Jill inspired me to paint, but it was around the very first days I met her... probably at the back of her house, with the art book out. or one of the smashing car journeys, where we just chatted. but i know it was definitely jill.. jill dovale, swell lass :) (yo jill). And the thanks to the Art Institute, because they have so many fabulous pieces there. From one of my favorite Picasso piece (The Red Armchair), to Van Gogh, Dali, Kandinsky and so much more. There is one in particular, which is so simple, although I can't remember the name. That's a large part of the reason i'm taking it up. and i can't wait. who knows what i could create! :) well, i've written enough for now. later. and come on, email me if you want :)
and you know, everything out there is always beautiful... the trees, sky, oceans... it's only our clouded views that make them seem bad. because, basically, life is good. and i do believe that. however, some times it's very difficult to grasp that, and make yourself happy because of that fact. take right now. i'm not sure where i'm headed in life, and i'm sitting at home bored, confused as to what the rest of the year will bring. i look outside at the same old thing i've lived with for most of my life - the graveyard i see out my window, the same trees, neighbors. then i walk more in my town, remember terrible memories in buildings i pass, people i meet, streets i walk on. but out there, life is good. and those buildings and streets have at one time seemed normal, even nice. so, wouldn't you say they have always been. yes, of course. my silly mind however is convincing me otherwise. i should get past it all, but that's a very difficult thing to do.
Jill has a theory that everyone in the world should see a therapist. at first, i didn't really agree... her reasoning was that we all need someone, whom we don't know, with a new perspective. and now i'm coming round to thinking that way. it's certainly a nice way to spill out your emotions without having to worry about what that person thinks of you, without having to conceal things which may hurt others or reveal something about yourself you'd rather not have a person know. i guess there's one thing that will never change as well - jill is an insightful lass, and things she says aren't half thought out theories or random thoughts... but life changing, wonderful thoughts which we should all embrace.
isn't it weird how living in a town for so long can make you so sick of it. such as the second day you are back, you step on the bus, and see the girl who used to be your country dancing partner in school. who used to make fun of you for no reason, and got her younger sister also to make fun of you... so that everyone in the school would have a low opinion, especially in high school, and because of things like that, the whole school turns against you for six years. or you may bump into the guy who used to be your best friend for five years but, one day just stopped talking to you, turned against you. maybe if you are lucky, you will also run into the two guys who used to spread rumors throughout the school about you, pretend to be your friend and take money from you... how fun. and you can't escape these people in your town! everyone who has ever hurt you is surrounding you, and making it difficult for you to breathe. no matter how much you try to escape the memories persist. and that's a hard realisation. the only question is what on earth can you do... and i cannot think of the answer. try and think of lovely thoughts? nah doesn't work. sometimes you just need to leave it all behind, your town, your old life and never return. and i hope some day i can do that.
music is grand isn't it. one thing about these "lazy" (ie boring, silly, horrid) days that does make me feel good is the ability to listen to any music i want, loud and even if i want, i can sing along. anything from aerosmith to some duke ellington, to red hot chili peppers and even the troggs. music lifts you up, soothes the soul and elevates you higher than anything else but art can do. add in a cup of tea and it's pretty easy to forget about life for a while. and that's always nice, especially when it feels like it is at its ugliest. music can contain all the fabulous aspects of life - beauty and passion, letting you reach the higher levels, allowing you to feel fulfilled, with some new hope perhaps.
i really enjoy chatting to frank these days. it seems our conversations are growing more fruitful each time, getting deeper and deeper. it's also great to chat to someone who has a good idea of a lot of the things i talk about. not to say others don't... i love my conversations with everyone. but it's wonderful when conversations which used to be more web site/message board focused turn into more succulent ones.
at the moment i feel like i need to something constructive and meaningful. tomorrow i head into town with my dad to have a look around the art supply store... hopefully it will kickstart me on my painting hobby. now, this hobby is thanks to two things. Jill Dovale and the Art Institute of Chicago. I'm not sure exactly when Jill inspired me to paint, but it was around the very first days I met her... probably at the back of her house, with the art book out. or one of the smashing car journeys, where we just chatted. but i know it was definitely jill.. jill dovale, swell lass :) (yo jill). And the thanks to the Art Institute, because they have so many fabulous pieces there. From one of my favorite Picasso piece (The Red Armchair), to Van Gogh, Dali, Kandinsky and so much more. There is one in particular, which is so simple, although I can't remember the name. That's a large part of the reason i'm taking it up. and i can't wait. who knows what i could create! :) well, i've written enough for now. later. and come on, email me if you want :)
Sunday, August 12, 2001
Gee whizz. Leather Strap (The Male to Male Spanking and Whipping Site) have named a character after ME! Now, how do I know this? Okay, well let me state I am not a reader of Leather Strap. I was doing a search for my name, and this came up. And I'm not giving out the link because it's very graphic and disgusting - featuring my name! :( Grr. Skeeter does not like this :)
On a happier note - there have been 2 movies named after me... Skeeter and Little Skeeter. Swell! Okay, well that was interesting. For something a little more healthier, I've got some of my trip photos in a gallery. 1/5th of the scans can be found by clicking here. Later. Skeet.
On a happier note - there have been 2 movies named after me... Skeeter and Little Skeeter. Swell! Okay, well that was interesting. For something a little more healthier, I've got some of my trip photos in a gallery. 1/5th of the scans can be found by clicking here. Later. Skeet.
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