morning mist clouds the day and i cannot see

i feel strange, unchallenged but i also feel like i could do anything. that feeling quickly fades once i try and put things into practice, however. i'm getting better though. at arranging my life and meeting some of the challenges i'm setting myself. i'm in an online shakespeare study group (right now studying hamlet), i'm allowing myself to listen to more fantastic music and i'm reading more! i love to read, i love the satisfaction it gives you, but lately i've been having trouble. read all last night, though. awesome.

i'm filling my life with tea. i now have eight different kinds. i think that surely means something is missing. all i think i need is a challenge. the ability to do something worthwhile and feel genuinely tired after it. after all, what good is a brain if you leave it to rot with tv. and what good is having an adventurous spirit if you don't seize the day. or, as Ally sometimes likes to ejaculate: "carpe aestus" (i think i spelled it wrong). but he can correct me on that. Seize the surf! is what it means. and yes, we must agree it's so inspiring.

god don't you love to be inspired. my music, art, people and everything around you. there are no finer moments in life when you look around you and every detail of life is superb and completely inspiring, and encourages you to get higher and higher in life or projects you are doing just because you realise life is completely beautiful.

Friends, how wonderful to have good ones

I love my friends. After many years of having a bunch dump me for people more "cool" than I, it's easy to spot good, genuine ones. I value them so much in my life, and are as dear to me as close family.

There's Ally Wilson - a stellar chap, whom I've known since chemistry class in high school. We have a lot in common - and can talk for hundreds of hours at a time about specific things. Former class members (eh, ally ;) yon T.N. ;)), funky web design stuff, general banter about the human condition and most recently, Jewish practices! Not to forget the lively discussions about Jinty Batkins and others ;) I'm proud to call this guy my friend.

And there's Paul Brown. Great friend, from my Modern Studies class in high school. We loathed each other then... well, okay maybe not as strongly loathing that i needed it in bold. but it was weird. after that class finished however, and we started chatting, we became good friends. It's always nice to meet up for coffee and a good old chinwag with paul. And, again.. I'm proud to call this guy my friend.

Let's go overseas for a minute, with the awesome people I met in Naperville. I've been chatting to them for a while online, and meeting them confirmed they were great people, great friends:

Frank Lieu... smashing, groovy guy. Jill Dovale... hip, entertaining and very opinionated lass... Mike Drago... another opinionated one... altho he's a lad, not a lass. we had many the good times laughing away at golden girls, and countless infomercials. Sheila Pariñas... what a groovy lady, we always enjoy fascinating conversations about everything ever! :)

And there's HUNDREDS more! So don't be offended if I didn't mention you, because what I did to select people to make it a fair entry (because I can't be bothered typing all day ;)) was turn names over on paper and select 6 of them :) And they are in no particular order, either! :) Just random, except splitting into local and international :)

Well, that's just my little dedication to some cool people i know. later in the next months, i may include some more people! :) later, skeet.

Forest Walk, Clears My Head, Reawakens My Soul

I just got back from an awesome walk... next to my house there is a park, a forest place... which goes very high and is great for walking. It's full of nice green trees, bushes and shrubs. It's also very quiet, with hardly anyone around. I like it there, and forgot how good it was to just go out and take a stroll. It's certainly rejuvinated me for the day. I got some lovely fresh Scottish air as well.

Many thanks to Sheila for her cool email to me... with great hints on how to not be bored. They help - good suggestions. Ah, now all I have to do is try them all out and see if I can relieve my boredom everytime it pops into my life.

I do enjoy life. And now is the time for me to earn a little money so I can get travelling some more, and do more spontaneous things. As I was saying to Sheila this morning, there's nothing like being spontaneous... it adds spice into life, and makes you a much more lively and bright person. I enjoy doing things last minute, without prior thought... a lot of big things however, I need to work and get money for. Such as right now, I feel like going to Rome for the day, and spending the night. ;-) But that needs a little money (not much, since it's so close to the UK and flights are very cheap on budget airlines).

Try and add a little spontenaity into your life.... however you spell it. Because you will always look back on what you did very fondly, and have some new experiences under your belt. Go where the wind blows, jump on a bus one day and head for New York.... or even jump on a plane and just go over to Seattle for a nice cup of coffee :) It's going to give you some terrific stories to tell your friends!! :) take good care. Skeeter.

What Do You Do When You're Bored?

Boredom is awful, a feeling of despair along with having nothing fulfilling in that point in your life. Horrid. So what do you do? And when you are bored, many things seem pointless, or you just can't be bothered to get off your lazy arse and do things.

I've been bored lately... isn't everyone. But what to do.... I don't know. Had a bunch of ideas, but couldn't be bothered following through. *Yawn* I'm bored right now... which is why I am writing this pointless update. So email me! What do you do!??! I want to know. :-p

i got a notification of legal proceedings in the mail today. how thrilling. apparently whilst i was away on vacation, i got a bill for one of my old domain names. i failed to pay, because i was out of the country, and now they want to take me to court. life is exciting, isn't it.

past few days, nothing has really been new. same ol' same ol'... but what can you do? tell me about it. ;-) anyway, i thought i'd do a little update before i start my day. why not email me? ;-) later. skeet.

i sit here... watching my life fly by, the sweetest years of my life dissolve and become extremely bitter. i sit back in my chair and look back, look forward, but whatever way i look it all ends with the same feeling. a slight emptiness. and what is there to fill it? i've not come to a definite conclusion yet, however i'll let you know.

and another summer has gone by. another adventure has ended. beauty is out there, beauty i have seen and experienced fully. but the ugliness of life is once more present. Not too ugly. we're comparing rita hayworth to lucille ball here. lucille is nice, but rita is astonishingly beautiful. and to match that, we must look further.

i'm babbling, but my point is what i feel and what i feel is what i write. and i enjoy sharing these little spells of madness, because it keeps me a little more together. like blades of grass i'm growing a little yellow with lack of moisture, with lack of exhileration.

i'll never forget the brightness of the sun one particular day in the usa. it was fascinating to see the world lit up around me, super to see the light shining brightly on all the faces, bringing a sparkle to life, injecting fun into the day. the warmth of the sun on my back, good company as well, i soaked in the splendidness of the day. it was truly beautiful.

and i'll never forget the dullness of some days. the days you feel like the world is ending, or that you'd like it that way. those days you climb into bed and don't ever want to leave, when comfort so close can seem so far, and your happiness is going to be stolen quicker than you could ever imagine. i won't treasure those days however, and i won't forget them. which pains me, slightly, which makes me feel a little more blue. even with the beautiful days why do the bad ones prevail in setting my mood.

but yes, i go now with a slight smile on my face and a wicked twist in my walkaway. i bid ye farewell for this dull day, and will join you once again soon. take care, loved ones. for i value you all, faithful friends and blog readers. have a truly wonderful one, and until we meet again, let me say goodbye.

I started painting. It's awesome - relaxing, fun, and it's taking up a lot of my time. I went into town yesterday to pick up some more art supplies... got back and did a pretty okay painting of The Red Armchair... apart from the face looking a little odd, it looks okay for my second attempt at painting.

In town I realised Dundee has no trendy places to go and hang out, except Starbucks and the Contemporary Arts Center. Even then - Starbucks is either stuck in the architectural disaster - the Overgate... or in the ugly smoky Welgate. And the Arts center is only really cool sometimes. Even if there were more trendy places - who would use them? The town is turning into a bunch of sheep who wear black. This town can bite me. skeet.

i spent a little time reflecting on some things this morning. such as life, and how there have been times when i hated it, got so sick of it... and then experiences in my life made me think otherwise. such as in memphis, when i actually feared for my life. it was scary, and sitting in the front seat, i realised how much i valued my life. how, if it shortly ended, i would miss out on so much.

and you know, everything out there is always beautiful... the trees, sky, oceans... it's only our clouded views that make them seem bad. because, basically, life is good. and i do believe that. however, some times it's very difficult to grasp that, and make yourself happy because of that fact. take right now. i'm not sure where i'm headed in life, and i'm sitting at home bored, confused as to what the rest of the year will bring. i look outside at the same old thing i've lived with for most of my life - the graveyard i see out my window, the same trees, neighbors. then i walk more in my town, remember terrible memories in buildings i pass, people i meet, streets i walk on. but out there, life is good. and those buildings and streets have at one time seemed normal, even nice. so, wouldn't you say they have always been. yes, of course. my silly mind however is convincing me otherwise. i should get past it all, but that's a very difficult thing to do.

Jill has a theory that everyone in the world should see a therapist. at first, i didn't really agree... her reasoning was that we all need someone, whom we don't know, with a new perspective. and now i'm coming round to thinking that way. it's certainly a nice way to spill out your emotions without having to worry about what that person thinks of you, without having to conceal things which may hurt others or reveal something about yourself you'd rather not have a person know. i guess there's one thing that will never change as well - jill is an insightful lass, and things she says aren't half thought out theories or random thoughts... but life changing, wonderful thoughts which we should all embrace.

isn't it weird how living in a town for so long can make you so sick of it. such as the second day you are back, you step on the bus, and see the girl who used to be your country dancing partner in school. who used to make fun of you for no reason, and got her younger sister also to make fun of you... so that everyone in the school would have a low opinion, especially in high school, and because of things like that, the whole school turns against you for six years. or you may bump into the guy who used to be your best friend for five years but, one day just stopped talking to you, turned against you. maybe if you are lucky, you will also run into the two guys who used to spread rumors throughout the school about you, pretend to be your friend and take money from you... how fun. and you can't escape these people in your town! everyone who has ever hurt you is surrounding you, and making it difficult for you to breathe. no matter how much you try to escape the memories persist. and that's a hard realisation. the only question is what on earth can you do... and i cannot think of the answer. try and think of lovely thoughts? nah doesn't work. sometimes you just need to leave it all behind, your town, your old life and never return. and i hope some day i can do that.

music is grand isn't it. one thing about these "lazy" (ie boring, silly, horrid) days that does make me feel good is the ability to listen to any music i want, loud and even if i want, i can sing along. anything from aerosmith to some duke ellington, to red hot chili peppers and even the troggs. music lifts you up, soothes the soul and elevates you higher than anything else but art can do. add in a cup of tea and it's pretty easy to forget about life for a while. and that's always nice, especially when it feels like it is at its ugliest. music can contain all the fabulous aspects of life - beauty and passion, letting you reach the higher levels, allowing you to feel fulfilled, with some new hope perhaps.

i really enjoy chatting to frank these days. it seems our conversations are growing more fruitful each time, getting deeper and deeper. it's also great to chat to someone who has a good idea of a lot of the things i talk about. not to say others don't... i love my conversations with everyone. but it's wonderful when conversations which used to be more web site/message board focused turn into more succulent ones.

at the moment i feel like i need to something constructive and meaningful. tomorrow i head into town with my dad to have a look around the art supply store... hopefully it will kickstart me on my painting hobby. now, this hobby is thanks to two things. Jill Dovale and the Art Institute of Chicago. I'm not sure exactly when Jill inspired me to paint, but it was around the very first days I met her... probably at the back of her house, with the art book out. or one of the smashing car journeys, where we just chatted. but i know it was definitely jill.. jill dovale, swell lass :) (yo jill). And the thanks to the Art Institute, because they have so many fabulous pieces there. From one of my favorite Picasso piece (The Red Armchair), to Van Gogh, Dali, Kandinsky and so much more. There is one in particular, which is so simple, although I can't remember the name. That's a large part of the reason i'm taking it up. and i can't wait. who knows what i could create! :) well, i've written enough for now. later. and come on, email me if you want :)

Gee whizz. Leather Strap (The Male to Male Spanking and Whipping Site) have named a character after ME! Now, how do I know this? Okay, well let me state I am not a reader of Leather Strap. I was doing a search for my name, and this came up. And I'm not giving out the link because it's very graphic and disgusting - featuring my name! :( Grr. Skeeter does not like this :)

On a happier note - there have been 2 movies named after me... Skeeter and Little Skeeter. Swell! Okay, well that was interesting. For something a little more healthier, I've got some of my trip photos in a gallery. 1/5th of the scans can be found by clicking here. Later. Skeet.